Tomorrow is a long time

If today was not an endless highway
If tonight was not an crooked trail
If tomorrow wasn't such a long time
Then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all

Yes and only if my own true love was waiting
If I could hear his heart softly pounding
If only he was lying by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again

I can't see my reflection in the water
I can't speak the sounds that show no pain
I can't hear the echo of my footsteps
I can't remember the sound of my own name

Yes and only if my own true love was waiting
If I could hear his heart softly pounding
If only he was lying by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again

There's beauty in the silver singing river
There's beauty in the sunrise in the sky
But none of these and nothing else could match the beauty
That I remember in my true love's eyes

Yes and only if my own true love was waiting
If I could hear his heart softly pounding
If only he was lying by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again

If today was not an endless highway
If tonight was not an endless trail
If tomorrow wasn't such a long time
Then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all

Yes and only if my own true love was waiting
If I could hear his heart softly pounding
If only he was lying by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again

Wallowing in the Mud

So here goes.  Haven't been feeling well all week, so I am tired and down.  Took a long hike this morning and did a lot of clear thinking.  I love the mountains.  They are so beautifully, brutally honest.  Rattlesnakes, ticks, coyote and ragweed, they are so beautiful.  Like the Paula Cole song:

But You Can't Kill My Spirit 

It's Soaring And It's Strong 

Like A Mountain 

I Go On And On 

Most of the following lyric is a poem written by Leonard Cohen, however, I changed the words a bit, took poetic license with the poem, if you will.  So sue me.  My words are better.  I can haz forgiveness?

Like a bird on the wire, 

like a drum in a midnight choir 

I have tried in my way to be free.

Like a bug on a rose, 

like a knight from an old fashioned prose 

I have slain all my dragons for thee. 

If I, if I have been unkind, 

I hope that you can just let it go by. 

If I, if I have been untrue 

I hope you know it was never to have hurt you. 

Like a baby, stillborn, 

like a beast with its horn 

I have torn everyone who reached out for me. 

But I swear by this song 

and by all that I have done wrong 

I will make it all up to thee. 

I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch, 

he said to me, "You must not ask for so much." 

And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, 

she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?" 

Like a bird on the wire, 

like a drum in a midnight choir 

I have tried in my way to be free.

So basically, sometimes your choices are to get fucked in the ass or hit in the head with a baseball bat.  Go ahead, choose and then spend 30 years being sorry about the innocents that got hurt in the process.   Then you decide you did the right thing, you did your best, insufficient as it was.  Be sorry about that too, go ahead, wallow.  We'll wait.  Ok, ready?

I will use yet another metaphor.  Hell, they're on sale today.  Wallowing is like walking down a long windy path with twists and turns and forks in the road.  If you never stop and look back from whence you came, you might get lost on the way back because you never turned around to see what it looked like from the other side.  You only remember what you saw in front of you and now you can't remember which path you took.  And you have a "How in the fuck did I get here?" moment.  So I have now justified my wallowing.  

Ok, now a 'baptism' of clean fresh water and shake it off before we are allowed back into the house.  Alrighty then.  Cyndi wrote this:

It will be

Whatever it is you're looking for

It will be

Whatever it is you need

It will be better

Even though I know you're not sure

Remember the rain even comes down

In Shangri-La

Look up as it soaks into your skin

And remember who you are...

I know who I am.  Don't like some of me.  There are some wrinkled up old rags in my drawer that will never go to goodwill, I will own them forever.  (Insert 'Dumb Look' here.  Shut up, Jules, it is a good metaphor) I am guilty, I cannot fix the harm I caused and I can't pawn it off on anyone else.  But I remember my journey, I remember the choices at the time, so it is ok, I can go forward, rags and all, knowing I did what I could at the time.  I swear by all that I've done wrong, I will make it up to thee, and me.   

Damn

Ok.  So Memorial Day weekend is blown.  I was kind of thinking of blown in a different way.  oh well.
 This just comes to mind. 


"....close your eyes and try to sleep now, close your eyes and try to dream.
Clear your mind and do your best to try to make the palette clean.
We can't begin to know it, how much we really care.
I hear your voice inside me, I see your face everywhere...."

Holy clam bake, batman!

Oh.my.god.  My favorite person took me to Gladstones for Mother's Day.  We had so much fun and laughed our asses off.  It was really nice.  Here is a pick of what they brought to the table.  Amazing, really.  Must have been 7 pounds of seafood.  

And we sat sea side at sundown.  Perfect moment.

Now I am trying to decide whether to use the leftovers to make a chowder or a bisque.  I have never tried a bisque so I think that is what I am going to do.  I had some the next day with pasta but there was so much leftover that I had to freeze some of it.  Yummy.  


We spent the earlier part of the day watching movies and hanging out doing nothing.  so.much.fun.  

May 13

Happy Mother's Day!!  I am getting ready to meet my kid and spend the day!!!  YAY!!

Here is a pic from 2008.  And I am not drunk in this picture, in fact, I was drinking water all weekend and not putting any poison or unhealthy food into my body.  The previous fall had been a tough one.

Let's see.  Yesterday I took Hoss to rattlesnake avoidance training.  It was interesting.  The kid that was leading him around weighed in at about 100 pounds.  The trainer follows as he leads the dog through the course.  

They strap a shock collar on them and then introduce them to three kinds of rattlers.  One with a rattle, one without a rattle and the third one I don't know because he is a quick learner.  

Be vewwy vewwy qwiet, we ah hunting wabbits......

They give him a few minutes to calm down and go again.  This time they walk him through a path with no snakes.  They have him on one end, me on the other and as he starts to come to me on that same path, they throw a snake between us.  He hightailed it out and the kid couldn't hold on to him.  He ran all the way to the car and waited there for me.  

So, lesson learned.  That makes me feel better about walking the trails.  I don't generally approve of shock collars, but it simulates a snake bite and is better than learning from a real one.  So now I know if we encounter a snake on the trail he will beat me home cuz I won't be able to hang on to him either.

He is so high energy.  People can't believe he is six years old, they think he is a puppy.  

Summer encroaches

The snakes are out in full force already.  It got up to ninety degrees yesterday.  Hoss managed to rile up a big black rattler that was not even two feet off the path.  He jumped over it and got the warning rattle.  Then he started to go back to investigate and got the 'get the fuck outta here I am pissed" rattle.  It really scared me, I screamed at him to back off.  For some strange reason he listened.  He never listens to me but he did.  I guess the urgency in my voice.  I couldn't get a good look but I saw something white and cotton-like.  I wondered if it was a nest.  Then I went back later and found the remains of a rabbit.  I am afraid of rattlesnakes.  

Wow.  Time flies.  The memory files.  I am in a new place.  But it is really an old place.  Here are some pics from our hike this evening.  

looking down on the domicile

mostly purples this week.  Yellows were last week

Emerald green like none I have seen apart from dreams that escape me.

Moon plants.  Almost look like fiddle head ferns but this is the desert, there can't be ferns????

I don't know what this bush is, but it is very fragrant

hunting wabbits.

We used to call this Indian Paintbrush in Colorado.

My Viranda.  Morning coffee.

purple pretties.

It is almost sundown.

Allergens, but so beautiful in the sun and wind.

Pine trees at my back porch

House blessing, anyone?

I love it here.

Historic Election Today, Two Sides of the Story.

My Hopeful Side

We are going to elect a Democratic White House, Senate, and House. They are going to get to work cleaning up the mess that was left from the party. The place is trashed. It is beyond trashed, they pretty much set it on fire and watched it burn down.

Looking forward, there is a lot of work to do and as usual the middle class has the brunt of it. That is a fact we cannot change. We are willing as long as we get our country back. We are the people to get it done.

We will have a restoration of Honor, Dignity, Integrity, Truth, Justice, we will again abide by our U.S. Constitution, our Bill of Rights. Our Justice Department will again concern itself with justice for all.

Our United Nations ambassador will again concern himself with working to unite the nations of the world toward a goal of peace and prosperity.

The department of Homeland Security will dismantle.

We will begin to rebuild our infrastructure with new technology development of wind, solar and geo-thermo power, creating jobs and reducing pollution and our dependence on fossil fuels.

Great strides will be made in our cities toward mass transit and public transportation. Our suburbs will build intelligently planned communities with services and amenities remaining local.

We will no longer live in the Bizarro world where simply saying something makes it so in the minds of the masses, while the powers that be proceed to do exactly the opposite of what they are telling us.

Instead of leaving every child behind, we will invest in our education systems and there will be renewed community participation in local issues, like education and local politics. We will better use our retirees to mentor our young learners and allow parents to actively participate in the educational process.

We will end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan by fighting ignorance and hatred and separatism. We will render impotent the likes of Al Queda and tyranny and despotism will no longer roam free on the face of the earth.

There is a lot to get done. But I am hopeful that we can get a good start. Starting today.

My Cynical Side

They are handing us the keys. The complete and total dismantling of all that is sacredly American is serving their purpose in multifold splendiforousness.

On one count they are richer than they have ever been. By the blood and tears and sweat and toil of the middle class, they have it all and feast on our young soldiers, our workers, our now unable to retire retirees. They smack their lips and belch on our young people’s funds for a college education that they so eagerly and guiltlessly hoard.

We are so tired and angry. We are sickened by the greed. We are aching for a hero. We want justice and we want it now. We can’t take any more bad news. We want a changing of the guard so badly that record numbers of citizens are voting today. The sleeping giant has awoken. Finally.

Why is this good news for Republicans? Because they will let us have it, yes they are allowing us to have this, because there is nothing left for them to steal. This is Ash Wednesday after the biggest Mardi gras gluttony in the history of US politics.

The debauchery and hedonism that has been the Republican Party is going to take a break. They are going to let us build it back up and get it chugging again. They will be back. Just like Cheney and Rumsfeld came back from Nixon, Bigger and Badder and better at their craft than ever.

Obama is our cake. They are going to let us eat it. We’ll feel better. Sure, our taxes will go up and everything will get more expensive while wages freeze. But we know nothing is easy and rebuilding will take time and patience and hard work. And they are willing to let us do it. They are the cockroaches in the walls that hide when we turn on the lights.

They will be easy to ignore, especially if we take it upon ourselves to keep the place clean. If we are diligent and work hard to make it hard for them to survive, we will feel better about it all.

The problem is, they will still be hiding in the walls.