Sweaty Pork

Dear Blackie:

Don't you hate it when the nondescript people you work with bring smelly
items to work and heat them up in the microwave rendering the air around
you thick with sweaty pork that has not been cured? Why, I bet someone
around here went to the Ham Fest last weekend and thought they would
bring leftovers in to share. I hate the Ham Fest, I hate pork and I hate
everyone.

Please help.

Signed,

Prattling Pork-hater

Dear Pork Hater:

You are right, pork prducts have a half-life of twenty seven
years. That is why we want you to take the time to sign our
anti-pork petition. If we get enough names, we can outlaw the use
of pork products in the workplace. Pudgy pork rind loving
programmers will be prohibited from pillaging pork products from
their top desk drawer or heating up smelly leftover pork chops or even
worse, pork ribs, in the microwave forcing you to breathe second-hand
pork. The surgeon general will have to put warnings on all pork
wrappers regarding the dangers of this practice. So sign our
petition today and help stop this carniverous carnage of swine
flesh. If you sign up for our mailing list we will send you a free
bumper sticker "Keep pork where it belongs!"

Thanks for supporting the cause,
Blackie