Half Off

Dear Blackie:
My pal lives in a new town. She has a new townhouse, a new car and a new job. Everything she has is new. She's done everything she said she was going to do. Everything! I can't even yodel or sing harmony on I'll Follow the Sun. Why, I don't even have a dog or a cat or someone to call my own. My question is: do you think she's going to get a new pal, too? I mean, it's only par for the course at this point. I'm wondering if I should prepare for the worst before she goes to trade the old model in.

Signed,

Year End Clearance


Dear 50% off,

Not to worry. That whore couldn't find a new pal if he/she
bounced a quarter off her ass. She may not say nice things to you
very often, but she really does like you. Look at how much fun you
both have and how easily you get along. You are the favorite,
which is easy because you are her only ethnic friend.
Now, let's address this irrational fear and paranoia you have about people
leaving you. You need to take Friday off work, chill a few nice
bottles of wine and get really drunk with your pal on Thursday nite to
discuss this in depth.

Now scram!!

Blackie